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"Just Another Summer's Day In Phoenix" (by Joe DiMino)

Just another summer's day in Phoenix;
Rise and shine-ouch! That it does!
Shines and shines…
Well, can-it-I'd better hurry-
A little guy with a tail
Sure looks real
Wearing a bright red bodysuit
Holding a very large pitchfork
Will be along any second
To prod me out the door-Only kidding, hee, hee,
A local legend-
I've never actually seen him myself,
But if he's comfortable anywhere on earth
Phoenix would be one of his favorite climates
I'm sure-
As for furnaces
Just open the door-
Why I've even seen churches
Sweat in this weather-
Porcelain saints panting,
Apt to do a miracle
Just so they can slip out unnoticed-
Sweat pouring out of parishioners
Faster than last week's sins-
Oh-I forgot, men sweat
Women only perspire-
And it's a dry heat anyway-
You sweat and don't know it,
You boil but don't bubbly show it;
You fry in your own fat
Then quickly turn your self upside down
To catch all the drippings
In a big rimmed hat-
We solidify back a bit come the cooler evenings.

Well, You're right!
Nobody forces me to live here-
In fact, I guess I will leave
Once I find out how I got here in the first place-
My brains a poodle-I mean puddle;
I know I had to have come here
For some darn good reason-
I mean, why else would I be here?
And we do have
Cooler seasons:
Lovely walks in the winter desert-
Friendly snakes
Waving hello as you pass by,
Hissing you a lullaby-
Scorpions inviting one to set,
When the gila monster gets through
Sweeping the ground-
My wife says she married one
That's how she got here--
I must have pissed somebody off
In high places I guess-
Damned if I know?